Not Alone
by Pawthorn
Summary: AU version of The Wicked Day from Arthur's POV. Major spoilers for that episode and canon Character Death. What if Arthur isn't as oblivious as he seems?


_This is set during The Wicked Day, so super spoilers for that episode. I was quite depressed after watching it, and I thought Arthur's cluelessness wasn't very believable. I needed to fix both of these problems, so I wrote this. It's an AU version of the episode from Arthur's point of view, but it works canonically. To be clear, I don't think this is actually true, but it fits, and it makes me feel better._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. If I did, I would treat him much better than his current owners do._

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><p>"There is a way to heal my father." Arthur stared out the window, not really seeing the people holding vigil outside.<p>

"How?" Merlin's voice was resigned, hopeless. Arthur had never heard him like that before. The prince thought for a moment more. He knew he might regret what he was about to say, but he also knew that he had no other choice. He met his Merlin's eyes.

"With magic."

Arthur could tell that his servant was trying to control his reaction, but the surprise and hope in his eyes couldn't be masked.

"Ask Gaius," Arthur said, "He may know someone who can help."

Merlin nodded and left the room, still in shock, never questioning why the prince hadn't gone to ask Gaius himself. Arthur almost felt guilty for using his servant this way. Almost. But he knew that magic could heal his father, and he knew Gaius had the knowledge to help. He also knew that Gaius wouldn't dare use magic on the king. Merlin on the other hand…

Merlin was extremely curious, and he lived with Gaius, the closest thing to a magical expert that Camelot had. Arthur was sure that his servant had dabbled in magic in the past. The prince had always ignored it because Merlin was too much of an idiot to be a danger to anyone. Now, he was going to take advantage of it.

* * *

><p>Arthur was confused. He had assumed that Merlin would simply use magic and heal his father. Instead, Arthur found himself puttering around a shack that apparently housed an old sorcerer, while Merlin insisted on staying outside. He didn't know what to expect.<p>

Then, a stooped figure entered the room. Arthur recognized him instantly.

"You!" Arthur kept talking with the old man, but he barely knew what he was saying. His brain was going a million miles a minute. Dragoon the Great, who had enchanted him… was Merlin? But, really, it made sense. Because Arthur hadn't been enchanted, just truly in love with a servant girl. Merlin must have disguised himself to save Gwen, to take the blame for casting a spell that never existed. Now he was using the disguise again to save Uther's life. Arthur couldn't decide whether he was grateful to Merlin, angry with the idiot for lying, or intimidated by the fact that his servant was more powerful than he had imagined. He was so disoriented that he nearly left just so that he could regain control of the situation.

Merlin's voice brought him out of his reverie and made him turn from the door, "Do not suppose that you know my mind!" Arthur was surprised. Merlin sounded just as desperate as he felt.

"Will you help me?"

A spark of real anger flashed in Merlin's eye. "You are asking me to save the life of a man who would have me executed—"

"I know what I'm asking of you," Arthur interrupted, partly so he didn't have to dwell on the thought of Merlin being burned to death, "And I know you have no reason to help me." Maybe Merlin was realizing how dangerous this would be. Arthur had to convince him to do it. "But you're my father's only hope. I'll give you anything you ask for, land, gold, name you're price—"

"I do not want you're gold!" The unmasked pain in Merlin's eyes made him immediately regret his bribe. "All I have ever wanted is that people like me can live in peace. That those who practice magic are accepted rather than hunted." Arthur was floored. All the times he had suspected Merlin of using magic, it had seemed like an annoyance, even a joke. To think of Merlin being hunted was so wrong. It sickened him. Merlin stared straight into his eyes, and Arthur wondered how he had failed to recognize his servant all those years ago. "That is all I ask. That is the price for your father's life."

Arthur understood, but could he really agree to this? He didn't need to. He knew Merlin wouldn't let Uther die, even if Arthur refused him now. But no, he had to do it, not only for his father and Merlin, but because it was the right thing to do. "I give you my solemn word. When I'm king, things'll be different. You won't have to live in fear."

Merlin's face brightened, and tears formed in his eyes. "Then, I will help you." Arthur was grateful that his servant settled for a handshake. For a moment he had thought that the idiot was going to hug him.

* * *

><p>By the time Arthur arrived at the lower gait, he was thoroughly fed up with the Dragoon charade. He just wanted to grab Merlin and make him heal his father. If his servant had been in Gaius' chambers when he went looking for him, he would have done just that. But he knew Merlin was just scared, unsure, and he had good reason to be. Honestly, Arthur felt more comfortable with Merlin in disguise as well. Not only would it keep Merlin's head off a chopping block if he was caught doing magic, but Arthur didn't have to fully face the situation. As long as the prince didn't know for sure that Merlin and Dragoon were one in the same, he didn't have to take action. Still, all this waiting and pretending was getting on Arthur's nerves.<p>

Finally, Merlin—_Dragoon_—arrived, and Arthur led him quickly toward the palace. He nearly gave up the whole plan when Merlin decided to ride him like a horse.

_Have your fun now, Merlin, _he thought_, You're going to be mucking out stables every day for the rest of your miserable life._

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><p>In the king's chambers, Merlin looked uncertain and frightened. Arthur began to have second thoughts. Could magic—even when wielded by someone as harmless as Merlin—be anything but evil and dark? Would his father forgive him for doing this?<p>

"Wait," he said.

"Something wrong?" Merlin asked.

"My father taught me never to trust magic and now I'm using it to save him."

"Your own life has bee save using magic more times than you can possibly imagine."

That got Arthur's attention. "What on earth are you talking about?" Had Merlin been using magic to protect him? Using it often, and successfully? The thought was both incredible and chilling.

"I merely mean to say that magic is all around you. It is woven into the very fabric of the world," Merlin said.

But Arthur didn't need comfort or logic. He needed the advice of his friend. "How can I be sure it's the right thing to do?"

"I know you have suffered because of magic, as many have. But not all magic and not all sorcerers are the same. I wish only to show you that magic can be used for good. I hope, one day, you will see me in a different light." Merlin meant every word, and Arthur found himself believing as well. Taking a shaky breath, he nodded his consent.

Merlin began chanting. Hearing the strange language and seeing the old man before him with golden eyes, Arthur all but forgot that his servant was the one casting the spell. Then, he looked at his father, and waited.

Suddenly, his father gasped, and his eyes shot open. Arthur nearly collapsed with relief, but he was still wary.

"Father," he said softly, leaning closer to the king, "Father."

"Arthur," Uther sighed, smiling gently. A laugh escaped Arthur's lips. He couldn't believe it! He had his father back!

Then, something went wrong. Uther grunted in pain and started panting for breath. Arthur glanced up at the sorcerer.

"What's happening?" he said, trying to stem his growing panic.

"I don't know." The sorcerer's fearful reply brought no comfort.

"Do something," Arthur demanded, but the old man before him just looked lost.

Arthur stared at his father's face as the king gasped.

In…

Out…

In…

Out…

…

Nothing more. His father just kept staring strait ahead, not blinking, not moving, not… not breathing.

"He's dead," he vaguely heard someone say. But they were wrong.

"No, he can't be. Father!" he said fiercely, shaking the limp shoulder. There was no response, just that horrible blank stare.

Arthur stepped back, trying to understand. His father was gone, dead. But he'd been alive! He'd said Arthur's name, looked into his eyes. The sorcerer…

"What have you done?"

The old man shook his head, "This was not supposed to happen."

"You gave me your word." Arthur let the rage build inside him, hatred for the monster that had restored his father only to snatch him away again. "You… you have killed him."

The sorcerer shook his head, denying what Arthur knew to be true.

"You've killed him!" The prince hollered, advancing on the old man. He drew his sword. "I'll kill you for what you've done!"

Then the sorcerer muttered strange words, and Arthur was thrown from his feet. As he lay on the floor, he began to think clearly again. The sorcerer… his father… Merlin. The sorcerer was Merlin. Merlin was supposed to save his father.

Why hadn't he?

* * *

><p>"I am so sorry"<p>

Arthur didn't look at his servant. He was angry—with Merlin for not saving his father, and with himself for putting his trust in the wrong place.

"I… I wish that there was something I could have done."

"Merlin, no one but me is to blame for this," Arthur said. He didn't want to deal with the sorcerer's guilt right now. He could barely handle his own. He needed to be alone—

"You are not to blame," Merlin's voice interrupted his thoughts. "This isn't your fault."

"I am entirely to blame," he said, allowing himself a moment of self-loathing, "My father spent twenty years fighting magic. To think I knew better… was so… arrogant. That arrogance cost my father his life."

"You were only doing what you thought was right. I am sure that that old sorcerer meant no harm. Perhaps the spell went wrong. Uther was dying. Maybe nothing could have saved him."

Arthur could tell that Merlin really believed that, that he hadn't meant for Uther to die. But that didn't change what had happened. It didn't change the fact that his father was gone, and it hurt, and Arthur was so angry. And he wanted to hurt someone.

He met Merlin's eyes.

"We'll never know. All I know for sure is that I've lost both my parents to magic."

He watched as his servant wilted under the weight of the words.

"It is pure evil."

Merlin flinched as though he'd be struck.

"I'll never lose sight of that again."

He had never seen his servant look so broken.

As Arthur strode past Merlin to the door, he didn't feel any of the satisfaction he thought he would. All he felt was cold guilt and pain and… regret.

* * *

><p>Saying goodbye to his father was the hardest thing Arthur had ever done. He'd barely been able to approach the body when he'd entered the hall. Now, he couldn't bear to leave his father all alone. Gently, he placed a kiss on the dead king's forehead.<p>

Light streamed through the eastern windows. The room brightened. Arthur looked at his father's face, trying to memorize it. He sighed. This wasn't his father, not anymore. His father was gone, long gone. Uther hadn't been whole since Morgana's betrayal—no, before that. His heart had been broken the day Arthur was born, the day Ygraine died. Finally, he was free, at peace. And, for the first time since his disastrous birthday, Arthur felt the same.

Arthur looked outside as the day chased away the shadows of night. His father had believed in him, thought he was ready to be king. But… his father had been wrong before, wrong about many things. He turned his back on the dawn and started to leave the hall.

And there on the floor just outside the hall sat—

"Merlin."

The boy turned his head to face his master. He obviously hadn't slept either.

"It's a new day." The words left Arthur's mouth before he knew what he was saying. It was true though. It was new day, wiped free of the mistakes and guilt and blame of the past. It was time to move forward. "You've been here all night?" It wasn't really a question.

"Didn't want to feel that you were alone."

And Arthur knew that he would never be alone, not in his struggles or joy or grief.

"You're a loyal friend, Merlin."

Arthur turned his back on his servant as the younger man processed what he had just heard. The prince gazed one last time into the hall where his father lay and then, gently closed the doors.

Turning to face his servant again, he was suddenly desperate for some normalcy, something to make him forget that the past few days had happened.

"You must be hungry," he said.

"Starving," his servant grinned. The smile was small, but honest. Arthur returned it.

"Me too," the prince said, "Come on, you can make us some breakfast."

As he led Merlin up the stairs, Arthur let go. He let go of his guilt, his insecurity, and his anger. He let go of his worries and doubts. He didn't know if he would be a good king. He didn't know how he felt about magic and sorcerers. He didn't know what the future would bring. But he did know that no matter what mistakes he made and troubles he encountered, he would be all right.

Because he would never have to face them alone.

_The End_


End file.
